


silver

by sunshinesrose



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec Lightwood-centric, Character Study, Insecure Alec Lightwood, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2018-11-21
Packaged: 2019-08-27 07:10:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16697776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshinesrose/pseuds/sunshinesrose
Summary: A study of Alec Lightwood, through his eyes, and then through everyone else's.





	silver

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a little drabble I wrote after reading some Andrew Minyard character studies. I hope it's okay, it's written kind of weirdly and 90% fuelled by my Diet Coke addiction so... it could be questionable. Either way, enjoy!
> 
> Also, come chat to me on tumblr - https://palmettohanlon.tumblr.com/

Alec Lightwood is jealous. No matter how hard he tries, he can’t stop the molten heat of his red-hot blood coursing through his veins when he sees his mom hugging Jace but simply nodding towards him and Isabelle. He can’t help but feel inferior, second to everything that Jace excels at. He is silver, sturdy, unnoticed, invaluable, whilst Jace is gold - bright, centered, priceless. And Alec will never be able to rival the golden boy. And part of him hates Jace for it.

But part of him hates Jace because he loves Jace, more than anything. Loves Jace in ways he shouldn’t, ways that he knows are wrong and disgusting and make him even more like silver than he was before. Ways that make Alec scared that one day he won’t even be a Lightwood anymore.

\--

Then, he’s ignorant, when Jace meets Clary, and she ignites a burning love within Jace that nobody else could ever dream of lighting. When a toss of her fiery hair has Jace abandoning everything he knows and everything he’s ever been taught. And how can Alec compete with her? 

He’s scared, too, because somehow Clary knows him better than Isabelle or Jace or either of his parents do. Scared because Clary knows something that will expose him to the Clave as the disappointment he actually is. 

He’s scared, and he’s ignorant, and he’s angry. He’s angry because Alec has always chosen Jace over everyone. Jace’s safety as always been Alec’s priority and yet Jace is going to the ends of the world for this girl he hardly knows. This girl who is close to Jace in ways Alec will never be. Alec’s angry because Jace doesn’t see him, and angry because he can’t be open and angry because Clary is everything he will never be.

\--

He’s selfish. He’s selfish because he’s chosen Magnus over honour and respect and heritage. He’s chosen a ‘filthy downworlder’ over years of tradition and that makes him selfish. Or maybe he’s just plain stupid. 

He’s stupid because Alec has exposed himself to everyone who’s ever meant anything to him. He’s lost his career, and maybe his family, and all for someone he barely even knows. But things feel so right with Magnus. Magnus makes him feel like maybe he could be gold one day, at least for one person.

At least Magnus is willing to fight for him. That’s something he hasn’t ever felt before. Alec can’t forget Isabelle, who’s proud of him, or Jace, who does care for him, or even Clary and the vampire, because even though he doesn’t regard their opinion as important, neither of them care about who he’s attracted to. 

And even though that should be enough, Alec is greedy. He’s greedy because he craves the validation his parents have never given him. He craves the pride that his parents have only ever expressed for Jace. He wants Max to see that he’s a good older brother, a good person, who puts others before himself and who does what’s right. But Alec isn’t that person.

If he was good, he would have married Lydia. And Alec wants to be good more than anything, but because he’s self-centered, he can’t bring himself to marry someone who he does not love.

\--

He’s cruel. He’s cruel because he pushes away Magnus and refuses to tell him how he feels, and sometimes he treats him the same way that the others do, though he doesn’t mean to.

He’s cruel because he kills Clary’s mother. He kills the person who gave Clary what his parents could not, and he eliminates those feelings for her. 

He’s cruel because he does not protect Simon, even when he needs it the most. And he has no loyalty to Simon, but Isabelle does, and Alec does not think of this. He never considers what others might need. Just as his parents said, he is arrogant. He thinks of himself and nobody else.

\--

But Alec is none of these things. 

Alec is humble, because he knows he’s wrong in how he’s treated Magnus and he apologises. 

Alec is caring, because he loves his sister enough to do what’s best for her, even when she doesn’t think it’s right.

He is forgiving, because he forgives his mom for how she’s treated him. He forgives her for years of sadness and isolation and accepts her into his life as someone who deserves to be around him.

Alec fights for Jace. He will always love Jace, but he realises now that he is worth more than someone who will never love him the same way.

Alec doesn’t hate Simon. Though he would never admit it, he actually quite likes Simon, because Simon makes his sister smile, and anyone who does that is worth dying for.

Alec is full of love. He loves Magnus with all of his heart and soul. And he would give up his life for Magnus without hesitation, because he is brave, but he knows he will never have to, because he trusts Magnus.

And Alec is still silver, because Magnus reminds him that silver is beautiful and bold and precious in its’ own way. Glistening and full of hope, overflowing with pride and gentleness and strength. 

Alec Lightwood is a hero, in every form of the word. But now he knows that he does not have to save everyone - he is indebted to nobody, he owes nothing. Despite this, he chooses to save others. He protects others because it is what Magnus would do. What Izzy would do, what Jace or Clary or Simon would do. What Max would have done. And it is what he does.

Because he is silver, shining full of light. He will never be ashamed again.


End file.
